#6 | summer, forever

This summer is like every summer I've had. It's mundane, it's flat, it's my Reality.

"To live in the Fens is to receive strong doses of reality. The great flat monotony of reality; the wide empty space of reality." 

"Reality is uneventfulness, vacancy, flatness." 

- Waterland, Graham Swift

God I love Waterland, because of the truth it speaks, because of all the wonderful people it led me to.

I stay in all day. I do absolutely nothing productive to aid in the progress of the world or my life. Countless thoughts pass through my mind day and night.

I really should be looking for a job. 

I really should be doing an internship. 

I really should be travelling. 

I really should be attending enrichment classes. 

I really should be signing up for exchange programs. 

I really should be choosing my modules for the new semester. 

I really should be....

The list is endless, if you think about it. And instead of doing so, I remain stagnant. I get upset at myself for the flat monotony of my Reality sometimes. Because I can cause my own change. Because this is my life. Because in this practical society I live in, I'll pay for my stubborn stagnant in the working world. 

There's a twist to it, however. 

I like it. The stagnant nature of my summer. Being on sloth mode all day without a care for the world. Sitting in bed watching shows after shows. Entertaining thoughts of "I really should be...". Sleeping at irregular timings and waking up past noon. The good and the bad - they all constitute something, that is, familiarity. It comforts me to know that this familiar cycle of living out my summer is perpetuating even throughout the years. Not a healthy embrace, but it soothes me. 

- fee.